Mothering and Life in General
Who Needs Mothers?
Below is a frustration entry I wrote about being looked down on for taking this mothering business ‘too far’ by the mothers who believe Attachment Parenting unimportant. Although it sounds like I was belittling all mothers who go out for me-time or work out of the home and calling them un-motherly and wrong, it truly was not my intent. These where ideas and feelings I needed to address at the time. I was going to edit this but I objected, because this blog was created for gathering up my thoughts as our daughter was growing. Again, this post was not meant to insult and I apologize ahead of time if it does.
For the past 18 months this is a question that has been my obsession. In the age of Cradles, Cribs, Stroller, ‘Entertainers’, TV’s, Bouncers, Formula Feeding without trying out Breastfeeding. I often wondered if everyone is right, that I have first time mom syndrome. But seriously if we can be replaced, who needs Mothers.
I wonder why couples try to get pregnant, then rush the baby off to separation. Is it because that is what they only know? Why is it OK to let a child Cry ‘it’ Out, but not OK for me to still to this day only ‘let’ out daughter cry for the amount of time it takes to get me to her? Why do I get frowned on, when I take our daughter everywhere with me? Why do I get judged because I choose to Breastfeed and Extend Nurse?
Why is it normal to have a child in another room, but not close to you? Why is it important for others that my baby Sleep Through The Night? Why is it important to others how long I will Breastfeed or Babywear our Daughter in ‘that thing’? Why is it the norm to have everyone else parent your child, but again, the mother is replaced. I should be going out, and having fun! I should go out for a drink with a friend, and our Daughter left without me somewhere missing me, and I return, missing her. Again, Who needs Mothers?
My answer: I choose to be her mother. I choose to have her have me, and all of me. I choose that for her. I know I ‘don’t’ need to do it, she ‘could’ grow up quite fine without me. But she was my choice, I could have not had her right? She never chose to be in this unloving world. I choose to be in arms reach at all times, and snuggle her throughout the night. I choose to hear her coo at night while she dreams instead of alone in other room. I choose to give her my body, just the same as when I was making her. This is what I choose, so why is it so wrong. After all Who need’s mothers?
I am tired of hearing that the problem between DH and I is because we don’t have dates together or have ‘our’ time alone. Or that time with ‘just the two of us’ is the medicine and a quick fix. But In my opinion, why? When we choose to be parents. Our baby needs us now, not just anyone else. We chose to have her, she should be apart of our lives. She should be able to go where ever we go, besides, that is where she belongs. Why am I frowned on when it comes to this and told I just don’t want to put the effort in to the relationship or that it’s the only way. I don’t believe time away from our Daughter can help DH and I get on ‘track’ because our Daughter is not the problem. I want her next to me, I want her around, because I am her mother and he her father, But really who needs a mother?
Why is everyone wanting to sell me these new shoes, that I don’t want. You know, those that are nicely coloured and always shiny, the one’s you go on the town with and ‘have fun’. Where you forget those mother shoes, that are kinda tight, kinda dingy, kinda ugly-looking, sometimes frustrating, but they are worked in and yet comfortable, besides it’s all you have to show for besides the lack of sleep. I don’t like these new shoes everyone is trying to get me to wear. I don’t think I am ready for them just yet, maybe someday though when she’s older. Right now I choose to be the mother that no one needs.
Maybe I have taken this mothering business to the extreme? Maybe I am just a first time mother with a syndrome. I hope that I am not, and I hope that I can find the words that sink in to Kevin and everyone else. I am not a martyr, I am a mother; I am not forgetting about me, I am re-creating me; I love my daughter, and I thought I would never have her, she is chosen to be our first and last. I want to experience everything. I choose her to have flesh and not plastic, fluff, or ribbon. People before things is my motherly motto, I just sometimes forget with the hardships of trying to be the barrier of ‘Who needs a mother’?
So who needs a mother? Can anyone tell me this? Maybe I am just to emotional, over-barring maybe? Who needs to be comforted when they cry or upset, or given milk that has proven to heal, or cradling arms that seems to sooth, or the voice that breaks glass but often brings your child a smile or delight, or eyes for a child to look into like they know who you are. Who needs that? Who needs that? Who needs a mother?