Mothering and Life in General
Finding Balance or a Start to it:
I started this blog because through marital counseling my homework was to find something for me. A hobby. A hobby for someone who really never had a hobby, that just included me. I am trying to seek “balance”. I do remember doing a lot of things, but I was a social person who thrived on the energies of others. I used to go tanning, which helped a lot with my depression that I have suffered from since I was 17.
One night of thinking and discussing with DH about my ‘hobby’, which was extremely hard for me. It had to be something I did by myself, and for myself. Something I have really never done, or forgot about it when life happened. I told DH that I wanted to do tanning about 5 minutes every other day or every two days, maybe once a week. This never happened because money is tight (as with everyone else) and with DH working two jobs… Well you understand, or at least I hope.
So I thought, and I thought…
I started stressing, what person does not know their own hobbies? Ya I read, but that was an interest almost like an OCD thing. How long will this book take me to read? Something I did when there was nothing to do. In reality, I can’t read with a 2-year-old and a daycare 3-year-old around, I have pictures to prove what just the 2-year old can do.
Both DH and I don’t have anyone but my sister we mutually agree with taking K2 for a few and she works in retail. Again, you know how that goes.
So I stressed some more…
And some more…
Finally, I thought the storage needed fixing so I did that. I came across a box of my childhood that had not been open in years. It has special mementos in there. Like my graduation hat that all my friends signed. The last card my Gramms gave me. And a binder/briefcase, that I had not seen in YEARS. I opened it up, and the memories floated in.
I used to write. I would never say I am a good writer, but it was a time, the only time where my brain would stop. Silence. I could close my eyes and write about any situation, even if it did not happen to me.
Without telling DH I continued on with the November NICU Awareness post. I started writing about it when K2 was 18 months old, but could not get past the first sentence. It was too hard to go back there. I re-opened it up and in 2 months I was done. I originally wanted to post it on March of Dimes, but being from Canada I could not post. So creating a blog was the next option. I felt good about it, I still feel good about it. I can now tell the story without choking up or effecting me.
I did promise that I would try my hardest to not state any marital issues, well clearly. First I don’t want DH and others to read and think I am bashing him. Although it might be good to vent, but I am not like that. Well, not on a blog at least.
I told you the above, so at least my readers will know that things are getting better, and I am trying to do things to balance stuff out and find me again.