Mothering and Life in General
You’ll Be Sorry!
Still to this day I find it so funny when people say “You’ll be sorry!” I remember receiving this helpful comment many times as K2 was growing up. It seemed to fit for anything that the commenter was in disagreement with.
Co-Sleep: You’ll be sorry, Breastfeeding: You’ll be sorry, Babywearing: You’ll be sorry, Picking up the baby: You’ll be sorry, Tending to the baby when they cry: You’ll be even sorrier!
This statement is such a passive-aggressive way to deal with things. Instead of mentioning what you really mean, you make a short and sweet comment, and walk away. Leaving the other person wondering what you really meant and questioning what part of what they are doing is wrong.
‘You’ll be sorry’ has been around so long that I am sure the person using it, does not even know why they are saying it or what part they are saying it too. It leaves people closed up to other peoples views and different solutions to the same problem. I wonder how many inventors were told “You’ll be sorry”.
I used to find this statement ignorant and condescending. I felt that because I did not fit the cookie-cutter I was undeserving as a parent. That because I did things away from the traditions in our culture, that I did not deserve to complain or have support.
If I had issues with different stages in K2’s growth, I was looked down upon, because somehow I created the stage. I made my own problems, and should continue on my own to ‘fix them’. Even if this problem was a fussy sick baby, or teething. I some how made her fussier or more harder to manage.
It was frustrating because just because I did things differently, did not mean I was saying they did things wrong, but that was the way people took it. I could go and nit-pick every little thing a person did that I felt was wrong, but I have things that needs to be done. I hoped they had things they needed to do too. Some how they took my difference as an insult.
Things are a bit more relaxed now, I guess because over the years we taught our insulted relatives and friends that babywearing, breastfeeding past infancy, co-sleeping and tending to a child’s needs at any age, does not make the child more dependent or more whiny or more hard to handle.
Just because I did things differently, did not mean she would not want to do things and leave me to do it for her. Or become a child who expects to earn things for nothing. I think it made me more aware of her need to do things on her own and do things at her time and not by the age a book says. I think it’s taught K2 to choose people and not things for comfort.
3 years into parenting and there is not one thing that I feel I should change in Attachment Parenting. I don’t look back and regret co-sleeping or babywearing or even going to her when she cried. There are things I know I need to learn more about, but nothing I would take away, parenting wise.
Because I have chosen to co-sleep, I saw sleep smiles in the night, sighs and deep breaths and the hands that check to see if I am there. Because I have chosen to breastfeed I engaged into K2’s eyes looking at me while she nursed and experienced different gymnastic reenactments she tries to do.
Because I do the things I do, I experienced moments like I had a few mornings ago, when K2 sat up in her sleep, not quite awake yet. Her eyes open yet still in REM sleep, she points to her right and says “The boat… is over there.” Yes, my friends I would have missed her talking in her sleep. Had I listened to you’ll be sorry.
These are a few examples of things I would have missed had I not parented the way that I do; and you know what? I am still waiting to be sorry…