Mothering and Life in General
The First 10 Minutes
I have read stories and situations from mothers who have been before. Traveling the road that I am on, this very moment. Mothers who have nursed their children until ripen. I have been told I was mislead, and no child fully wean from anything without a little help. I thought back to how it must have been when breastfeeding was the only feeding done.
There is no way we would be made to be ‘addicted’ to mother’s milk. There is no way that a child will not stop, unless you say enough is enough. I see weaning everyday, from wombs to arms, from arms to feet. And now from breast to snuggles.
Two nights ago, K2 for the very first time fell asleep on her own. For 10 minutes I watched her eyes flutter and her breathing become rhythmic. I saw a glimpse of a grin and a sigh, it was 10 minutes of wonder, this is what it would be like, going to sleep without the breast.
3 years, it’s been, and only once before had she fell asleep on her own. But this time I truly consider the first time, it was her though provoking goal. Before she fell asleep watching Baby Signing Time. She had been fighting sleep and was tired, but she would not rest enough to close her eyes.
This time I asked her if she wanted to nurse, and “No, Momma”, was her reply. She grabbed her blanket and smiled at me, as she settled in her spot. She reached for me and cupped her hand on my breast, gave me a loving look and then closed her eyes.
So this is what going to sleep would be like without nursing my perfect child. Just as the thought escaped me I could feel a little tug. Am I ready for this? Did I prepare enough? Is she really done? As I fought to take the moment in. Her snuggled with her baby, her long body over my half of the bed. Her hair spread out on the pillow, and her hand spread out to touch.
I knew I was still needed, just in a different way tonight. She still needed to know I was there, but at that moment she did not need to nurse. She was off in dreamland, chasing bunnies and dreaming of ‘Bobbies’. And I in the still of the night, taking this first moment in.
Of course it did not last very long, she awoken with a bit of thirst. She nudged closer to me, and hiked up my shirt for a bit of a nurse. It felt right to have her close, to suckle and sleep at my breast. I just could not help but think that one day, maybe soon, we will have more moments like our first 10 minutes.