Our Sentiments

Mothering and Life in General

I Told You So?

I feel the need to get something off my chest. My chest lays heavy tonight. I will not post links, this is just an open thought. If you don’t know the full meaning behind this post, consider yourself lucky to not know about the drama. Although, I fear my words may be taken to mean something totally different. I also fear this post could add to the explosion, and hate be directed at me, but I hope that it doesn’t. I take this chance because I selfishly need to think openly tonight.

As this mess hit the Social Networks. I sat back and watched the train-wreck. Some things I could somewhat relate too and understand. MOST I did not want to ever admit I read. Since then these hateful things are in my mind and they dug in deep. I laid in bed for hours, thinking because I advocate for the cause that I am too, guilty by association.

Then I thought.

Would I turn a friend away after her child died in a collision? Her child still within the means to still be rear-facing. Would I turn my heart cold just because this friend knew that this could happen?

Would I trash a Mother whose child died from Sepsis because she formula fed her child? Would I point a finger at her and say “I told you so”?

Would I tell an acquaintance who had a regretted c-section, that she should have gone to a Midwife? Would I then turn away when she wanted, hopelessly needed, to tell her story?

Would I tell a parent who’s suffering from an infant loss, that had they laid the child on their back, the baby would not have died from SIDS?

Would I tell a beloved friend whose infant died of AIDS, that she should have used a condom and some discretion? And that this will teach her to keep her legs closed.

Would I tell a family in grieving that it was all their fault? That they knew the risks involved. What does ‘I told you so’ completely resolve?

As you know, I am a passionate advocate for many things. I try to list my advocacy as a way to only inform. Others may suggest that I am an extremist, a know-it-all or completely nuts. I never had shared anything, parenting related, with an intent to hurt or with any hidden hate (well, OK maybe Nestle, Promoters of abuse, and those in that class).

I do understand that things are not 100%, we can’t turn back time to see if things would be different, had the situation been changed. This is the point I am trying to discuss. We will never know, could never know. So why all the hate?

Could we not have kept out names and posts? Could we not have changed our status’ to “Today a child was lost. Let us have a moment of silence”? Has our society turned into morbidity who needs the gory details?

I maybe frustrated with the Medical Society and the lack of valuable information. I may walk away from a friend, when I think I might loose my lid and direct my frustration towards them. I may also let off steam sometimes, when I feel burnt out (but I do not point a person out publicly). I would not turn a mother away, friend or foe, had they suffered what words can never describe. And I most certainly would not say that she killed her own child or deserved it, in anyway.

ESPECIALLY, so close to October 15th. Or did we forget about Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness, right around the corner?

I ask that we have a moment and think about what has been done. I don’t ask for condonement,  I don’t ask for sympathy, I ask that we let the child, whose name we should have never known without the parent’s consent, rest in peace.


If you choose to comment I ask that there be no links to this situation and use no names to anyone involved. Be kind, considerate and drama-free. Comments are moderated, and I will accept them when I can. Keep safe, hold your children close and have a good night.


2 responses to “I Told You So?

  1. Dionna @ Code Name: Mama October 8, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Thank you for sharing those thoughts. I understand exactly what you mean, and no – we should never let “I told you so” be our message.

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