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Mothering and Life in General

Ok, I Suck at Giving Gifts!

A Danish Christmas tree illuminated with burni...

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I love giving gifts. I just love it. The person’s face when they receive that timely wrapped gift, knowing I thought about them. The understanding that I could have been through several stores before I finally found the one that called their name. The anticipation of what they will say and knowing that every time they see or use their gift they know they are loved and thought of.

The gift, no matter the price tag that comes along with it, is an important way to tell someone they are worth knowing. The time it takes for the giver to achieve their goal can be long and frustrating. Mounds of people to circle, the endless out of stock places and you can never forget the other bitter people running around trying to look for the same thing.

But when you reach your goal, there are trumpets playing and fireworks. And I can never put into words the feelings I feel. It’s trying to find that gift that says it all, the gift that will be used over and over. The timeless gift that keeps on giving.

This year, since K2 is growing out of all her toys and things to do, I started Christmas shopping in the summer. It’s a good thing too, because DH ended up quitting his full-time job, leaving his part-time job stretched for bills and rent. It’s a slim christmas this year, but not only because of money but because I have a problem.

In finding that gift, that I feel that she will just love, I end up being like a child who knows there is cake on the table. I have to see her face, I have to see how she will play with it. I have to know if she likes it. When I say I have to, I mean have to. I have to stop myself from giving her the gifts prior to the occasion.

This year I bought her a Leapster Explorer. Well I thought for the price of $90.00 Canadian including tax, that is a lot money. What if she does not like it? Then I will have to wait until after boxing week to take it back. Then all the sales would be gone, and there is $90.00 less of gifts I could have given her. So I gave it to her, and she loves it. Just like how I thought. She has played with her Explorer since. Then I thought well the one Leaplet Application (we chose a book) is not going to do her any good, and the demos, well that gets boring. So I let her open the Petpal game.

She loves that too, just the way I thought she would. She plays with that every day. I love seeing all the different things she learns, how her pink puppy is giving her the interest to print again. I love giving her high-fives when she finally retains her goals. She loves it. Then I thought since she loves the Leapster so much, I will get her more games and Leaplet Cards, Oh, and the camera that goes with it too. Have to get the camera, she will LOVE it. I can see her face, she will enjoy it. She will be able to have her own camera and video recorder and leave my camera alone. This will be perfect.

I go back to Toys R Us, and I buy her the Explorer Mr. Pencil, Dora, carrying case and camera. Came home and wrapped it fast, because if I don’t wrap it, I will give it. Well, it helps me not to give it. Ok, to be honest it delays it a few days to a week.

Then one night I had little self-control. I started to get curious about what the camera does. How much fun would it be? So after about 2 hours of thinking I will not give it to her. I gave it to her. And of course, she loves it, she took pictures of her lap, eye, Meekah (our cat), Daddy on the toilet, Daddy sleeping, and one of me when I first wake up. Maybe the camera was not such a good idea, but she loves it and it helps to express herself. And I love watching her have fun with it. I love how she comes to show me what she’s done. The camera also created new rules of the house, for instance, we don’t take pictures of people naked and on the toilet, but it worked out. Just like I envisioned. And I am glad.

I suck at giving gifts or maybe it’s just me sucking at waiting. By the time the occasion is over, I spend well more than I wanted too. It’s not just K2, its everyone. Before K2, I bought DH 4 gifts one year, because I just had to see his face. I bought my father several gifts as well, which is sad because it’s tradition to gift him Turtles. Dad knows what he’s getting, he expects it every year. I give it anyways, because giving makes me feel good, and I make the other person feel good too. In that feeling, in that gesture that person knows how very much they are loved.

Right now, I have all the gifts all wrapped up and under the tree. Do I care if she gets at them, not really, because they are calling my name, they tell me to give them to her. They all tell me they want to play with K2. Not that they really talk to me, it’s my lack of self-control. It’s the picture in my head of the joy that I can give her, it’s the meaning of giving that I just can’t wait for.

The excitement and the knowledge that I know my daughter more than I thought I did. That she learns I have more fun with giving than receiving. I hope she gets the bug too, because I give because I want too, not because I have too. I love giving, I love buying – the crowds not so much, but I can over look that.

So, it’s less than a week until Christmas, and it’s so hard for me to hold back. But I am doing good this year, I did not give her as much as I did last year. The anticipation is KILLING me. I hold back, and I smile. I know she will love her train set. I know she will love her blocks. I know the Thomas Train I picked out for her will be played with, and those PJs will look so cute. Most of all, I know that the gifts really don’t matter, it’s the feelings we all have for each other. I know this Christmas will be as great as the last, because we all have each other, and we love to give the gifts of thoughtful love.

Deep down inside Christmas can’t come fast enough. Next task is holding out for her Birthday. Wish me luck!


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